So now I am in my 30s. Single mom again, great paying job, MBA, good family, great kids, great friends... and suddenly I don't know what to do with my life. I mean I used to have goals, but I have achieved those goals. I have overcome the stigma of pregnant teen, I've gotten rid of the bad husband, I am where I want to be career wise, and I just don't have any goals. In retrospect... I sort of have a midlife crisis.
I am not really happy with my job. The title and responsibility are good, but it doesn't fulfill me. I buy a little fun sports car- a BMW Z3 convertible. It's fun. I drive it to work every day and people love it. I am doing some photography on the side as a part time business. Of course, I could have had a hobby but I am incapable of just having a hobby. I shop, or rather I buy. I hate shopping but I love getting a new outfit. I join the country club. I do things to make me feel successful. I go into debt a little on my own. Nothing I can't afford to pay back but I am not saving like I should. Retirement, yes. Rainy day... well... all I can see is sunshine at this point. I have not kicked the bad habits I developed while I was married, and midlife crisis is not helping. I don't really see any point, there is no motivation.
I get a letter from the city. Seems the tenants in my adorable little house I bought back at 21 have not been taking care of it. I go over to assess the damage. House pretty much needs to be gutted and start over. Rainy day fund would be helpful here... I can afford to fix it but I really don't have the time or energy so I decide to sell it. It's the height of the market... I make about $100,000 on it even though it needs to be gutted. That pays off all my school loans and leaves some left over to improve my house. I get new countertops and floors in my house and fix some other stuff that needs fixing.
We begin to outsource at my company. Another "adventure in outsourcing". I have been through this a couple of times at my old job. The original company dealt with it well. I realize my new boss has no clue. She's been there a few months and doesn't make any effort to get to know me. I have ALWAYS been a way above average performer- outstanding most times, above average at the least. The new company doesn't really do things the same way. The first time I am reviewed I get a meets expectations rating and I am devastated. Some of you may be laughing now... most people are fine with a meets expectations- I am not. After a summer of being upset though I am doing better. My boss changes AGAIN (I go through 4 in 2 yrs) and the new boss thinks I am doing well and says so trending above average, then the new lady comes in and she thinks I am below average... or so she says. At first I take it to heart, I am pretty self critical. Then I realize she is saying I am too detail oriented and not strategic enough and that I don't get out and talk to people enough. Hahahahaha... these are my strengths. I actually am not detail oriented at all and spend too much time talking to people. I gather feedback and take a step back. I realize what is going on... Outsourcing. We have too many senior managers and we need to have a reduction in force. But that looks bad. I start documenting. I still have the documentation somewhere... Anyway, I make sure that if she tries to manage me out instead of RIF me I am covered. Sure enough... we need to reduce budget. It's a fight that I have agreed not to discuss but the bottom line is I receive the severance I am entitled to and decide to go full time with my photography studio and enjoy my children and the money I have made for a while.
The studio does well initially. It's paying its own bills after the first couple of months and I can draw a little. I am living off my severance and the little bit I have put in the rainy day fund. I am still not receiving child support but I don't push it. It takes me several months to realize my income has changed, not particularly helpful to my debt situation and I can no longer just pay it off like I have been able to in the past.
In September I decide to take on a business partner. She has some clients, I have lots of business knowledge. I have basically been giving her free business consulting for years so I decide it makes sense and is completely fair. We merge. We change the name. There are some bumpy moments but it goes well. We make LOTS of money the first fall. Recession closes in. She likes to spend money on different things than I do. We take a little bit of a paycheck but decide to invest in the business. It works well for a while. I draw off my 401K... I know... BAD idea, but I had waaaay more in it than I needed to have at my age so why not. I'll tell you why not... because when the market is sucking wind suddenly you find the amount of money is cut in half. Oh well... I don't want to abandon my business partner so I continue to draw to make up the difference. I cut my expenses and... I pay off ALL my debt except mortgage and equity line. This is actually a smart move. When I sit down and figure out interest rates and that I am in a lower tax bracket now the penalty is not a bad thing as long as I don't run up my debt again. I don't, but I find out in a few months it isn't really an option since the bottom falls out of the economy and my limits are reduced or my accounts closed. I am forced to live within my means and that's not a bad thing.. yet...
Business partner leaves... my friend of about 10 years screws me over. I don't think she did it on purpose. She just doesn't have the same morals and she was desparate- she owes between 30 and 40 thousand dollars on credit cards that her husband doesn't know about. They owe other money too. She leaves me with the studio and all its expenses... I am ok with this except that there are still albums for brides and orders that need to be placed. Oh yeah, and a big bill from the 2nd studio that I end up with. And then... she sends out a message to all of our clients that she is back and no longer with our business. Several of them think that it means our business is closed. She says nasty things about me that get back to me. If I had any idea that she wasn't going to "keep a couple of her long time clients just to supplement her income and pay for preschool because she really wants to spend time with her kids that need her" I would have done things differently but the damage is done. And... I am hurt and upset so I don't focus on my business as much as I should.
There are other things going on during this time.. but thats another post. I'll have to back up a little for that story.
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